break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Damn victory sex feels great
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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