I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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