My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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