you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
this is an emotional support booty call
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
