last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.