Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
