im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
