I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.