Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier

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  (818): We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier http://tfl.nu/rs4k
  Replies (25) Good night (4138) Bad night (769)
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  (909): View more from California

  I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

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  (909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3
  Replies (14) Good night (4640) Bad night (671)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Da na na, na na naa

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  (571): I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background (202): Da na na, na na naa http://tfl.nu/9l4t
  Replies (35) Good night (3804) Bad night (598)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.

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  (631): Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans. http://tfl.nu/f9ad
  Replies (74) Good night (4170) Bad night (1946)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.

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  (724): Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like. http://tfl.nu/trgq
  Replies (10) Good night (2880) Bad night (741)
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  (714): View more from California

  his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time

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  (714): his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time http://tfl.nu/seuc
  Replies (21) Good night (4155) Bad night (689)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.

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  (303): I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history. http://tfl.nu/d9a3
  Replies (20) Good night (6711) Bad night (919)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.

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  (502): She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused. http://tfl.nu/76xl
  Replies (17) Good night (2085) Bad night (2712)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.

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  (804): At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution. http://tfl.nu/lsuu
  Replies (12) Good night (3511) Bad night (1006)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.

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  (347): Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray. http://tfl.nu/hbqi
  Replies (17) Good night (806) Bad night (2033)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.

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  (904): It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo. http://tfl.nu/jdtj
  Replies (9) Good night (2271) Bad night (503)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name

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  (646): Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name http://tfl.nu/j3ir
  Replies (5) Good night (501) Bad night (775)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!

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  (214): I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made! http://tfl.nu/rkm5
  Replies (6) Good night (771) Bad night (391)
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  (518): View more from New York

  There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."

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  (518): There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina." http://tfl.nu/mvmf
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (284)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school

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  (205): And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school http://tfl.nu/10l1
  Replies (2) Good night (658) Bad night (232)

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