if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours