and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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