he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
