Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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