My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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