I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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