just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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