Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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