remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
is it fun? or sober?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
