i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
