Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
