Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
