While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
