In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
