Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
