dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it glows. i had to have it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
