why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
