I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
