as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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