hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i dont even know how to be here
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Mom said you looked used
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
