He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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