and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
