Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
