i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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