I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
