I just pynch a tree in the face
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
