maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
