we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
