u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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