Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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