I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
