dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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