1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
