if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
