Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
