i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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