I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
