Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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