You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
