Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
