I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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