this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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