I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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