is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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