just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
