i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize