11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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