You're a womanizer and a bitch.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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