Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
