There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm at about main and main street
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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