Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
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the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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