...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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