its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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