If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
