My room smells like vodka and shame
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
