I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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