U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
