Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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