I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
