my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
