Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i dont even know how to be here
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
