Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
