Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
