Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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