I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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