it wasn't lemon gatorade
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
