I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My balls are so social today.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
