Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All the doctor said was why
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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