im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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