Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think i have two assholes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
