it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
