mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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