I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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